Sunday, September 6, 2009

Getting Clumsier

This is not an ancient caveman's drawing of a foot. It's my drawing of a foot. My smacked-by-a-wooden-chair left foot.

Many of you know that as pregnancy progresses, your dexterity and grace are lost. They've been replaced by bumbling, uncoordinated lumberings. Such was the case a few days ago when, as my daughter sat eating lunch in said wooden chair, my foot seemed turbo-propelled by some invisible super-magnet to collide with the corner of the chair leg. It stuck between my second and third toes (as the arrow indicates.) With the collision, there was a loud SNAP.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move.

My husband came running and helped me limp/hop to the sofa. My daughter helped by dropping a 2 pound ice pack directly on top of the toe. My middle toe turned a bit purple and is still uncomfortable to walk on, but doesn't seem to be broken. It's a miracle.

A day later, I tried, unsuccessfully, to drink from a glass. Doesn't seem difficult, does it? But when I started pouring before the beverage hit my mouth, I made a one-in-a-million shot. Straight down the neckhole of my shirt, I poured my juice all over my bra. Now, if I had tried to pour it there, I probably would have accidentally made it to my mouth.

In my last pregnancy, doorways suddenly seemed so narrow. By the time I delivered, my shoulders were black and blue from cutting every corner too short while walking through my own house. Sometimes I would even bounce off the corners a little bit - sort of like a bumper car crash.

I've never been a butterfingers, but holding on to anything seems an impossible task these days. Whatever it is, if I touch it, it will most certainly somehow end up on the floor. I've forbidden myself from carrying eggs, touching crystal lamps or bringing heirloom jewelry anywhere near the bathroom sink.

These pregnancy afflictions seem universal... why is that??

6 comments:

Danielle said...

lol! I love your story telling!

casch said...

I agree with Danielle, you are a great story teller, you should start tellling Charlotte stories (in addition to the zillion books you read her everyday)

It does sound like the toe is broken. Did you tape the two or three toes together? You probably should, it will help them heal better.

Maybe you need a seeing eye dog!

simplebeauty said...

I know that this only brought tears to your eyes because of the pain. I just wanted you to know that it truly made me giggle. I so remember those days. However, I'm by nature a bit of a clutz. :O) Hope your toe heals quickly!

meridiansmom said...

Isn't there some chemical your body makes when you're pregnant that relaxes your joints for delivery? I think that's what make you more clumsy.
I knocked a phone off a wall at work with my shoulder when I was pregnant.. yes, it was screwed in. :)

Hang in there!!

lera said...

I think that clumsiness carries over after birth, though, too. I've banged some sweet baby newborn heads into doorways, too, by accident (while carrying their sleepy bodies to their crib). And I've been known to be so bleary-eyed in the middle of the night to pick up a baby upside down and carry him into my room to nurse. Thankfully no newborns were harmed in my care. And all are very bright :-) Even if their mom is not.

Heather from Ontario Canada said...

Hi Diane, I happened across your blog...it must have been around Christmas because I clicked you into my favorites and haven't peeked in since. Today I was checking out all my go-back-to -sometime-faves and came across yours again. You were posting about your nature-o-path meds you use. My husband has high blood pressure and even though I've bought the meds for him he refuses to take them on a regular basis. claims he doesn't need them. I noticed in your post then that your Dear H also has high blood pressure My question is, Would you be willing to share with me what natural remedy he uses?

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